I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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