Me too!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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