would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
