i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
