i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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