I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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