i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
