as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
