I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
