i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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