Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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