I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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