MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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