so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We are two peas in an std pod
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize