we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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