I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
