chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
