Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
