That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
