i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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