i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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