It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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