Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
