whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
