Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
