Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
