we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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