So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
