im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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