The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
