the condom got lost in my hair
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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