So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
