I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
