Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
