Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
