after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
