Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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