Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
