My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
