at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
