I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
