what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
