It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
