I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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