she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize