First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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