I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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