It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
