So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize