he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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