The beer is more important than you right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
