Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
