I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
