then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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