Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
