he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize