it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
