You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
