The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
