there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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