i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
