Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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