great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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