I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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