he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
