piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
