Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
