just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
