literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
