corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
