Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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