Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
