goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Congratulations! We have a period
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
