she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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