I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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