The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
