I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
