My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
