Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
